Nipple Cripple

Posted: January 2, 2013 in Janathon, London Marathon, running
Tags: , , , ,

I started watching a programme on channel 5 yesterday evening called something like “50 shocking facts about diet and exercise” …in fact, it was called exactly that because I just checked, which is the useful thing about posting stuff to the internet – you can actually check things and get them right.

Unfortunately, the makers of said programme, whilst supposedly reporting “facts”, said things like, “bananas can kill you!!!”…

…yeah, like if you eat so many you can no longer breathe….

…and if you go to the gym you will get mrsa and spend your life in hospital and grow old and lonely with no friends…

…and if you eat healthy, organic stuff, you’ll probably eat slugs and maggots without realising…

…and you might need an ambulance for jogger’s nipple…

…and if you run you will die! (Which is technically true but so is the statement that we will die if we don’t run. They might as well have said, “everyone, at some point, will die.”)

I got so fed up with the programme that I turned it off pretty quickly but enjoyed the banter which followed on twitter (#50facts)

So… Being the rebel that I am… Being hardcore… Being the daredevil, live life on-edge, eat breakfast with fear, lunch with adrenaline and dinner with danger, kind of crazy-brained experience-junkie that I am…

…TODAY – I RAN…

…WITHOUT VASELINE!

OOOOOooooo… I know!

I thought I’d be safe.

Expecting that the worst outcome would be similar to my 2010 London marathon experience (see below)

image

…but no…

…I should have paid more attention to the TV…

…The abrasive power of cotton completely severed my torso…

image

…resulting in my inevitable untimely demise!

So… I’m sorry about that. I was hoping to run a little more than just two days in January.

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Comments
  1. Severed torsos are no excuse for not running in Janathon. Think how much lighter you are now!
    (Off to try and find that programme on catch up, after my run of course).

  2. JogBlog says:

    I watched five minutes of that, then after seeing the tweets, turned it back on and the utter lunacy of it made me watch the rest of it!

  3. Lucy says:

    Just seeing the tweets about that programme made me not watch it! How frustrating. Sorry to hear about your severed torso 🙂

  4. henniemavis says:

    Well, after seeing your t-shirt, I feel fortunate to have a lame foot instead! Also, thanks for condoning my “there’s-no-plan-athon” Janathon approach to goal-setting. Willy nilly it is then. I may not be organized, but I’ll at least be in good company 🙂

  5. plustenner says:

    no Vaseline?!? you rebel! LOL 😀

  6. 7stoneitch says:

    Pahaha Best Post EVER!

  7. Katrina says:

    The bit about Jock Itch put me off my satsuma, peanut butter is off the menu and I’ll never set foot in a gym again (hooorah!). Take care of those nipples xx

  8. fortnightflo says:

    Grrrr – probably funded by mcdonalds…

  9. abradypus says:

    RIP – I will miss you.

  10. ewoodeson says:

    Hope you find that torso, careless to lose it 😉 oh how I (don’t) miss channel 5. I still think my favourite was the man who wanted the biggest biceps in the world and ended up cutting a big hole in one to remove a septic abscess. Yum.

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