Many thanks to Darren Smith – aka ‘Runnersknees’ (@runnersknees on Twitter) for the original (and far more useful) version of the following definitions.
If you have stumbled across my blog looking for some genuine clarification of running terms then you may want to click >>HERE<< to find them.
This is a bit like a FALL …one of those embarrassing moments at the start of a race when you get caught up on your own feet and take a tumble) but… You pretend it didn’t happen…nobody saw you, right? It shall never be spoken of. i.e. There was no ‘F’in’FALL’.
A load of total nonsense.
The noise created with every step when you leave your car key and a random coin in your pocket when you do a parkrun.
The name of the robot (like on Star Wars) that you become after doing a longer run than you have done for a while.
Not a brilliant post-run dance… but not a rubbish one either.
Trying to squeeze extra people into your 3-door hatchback to transport your mates and their smelly kit to/from a race venue.
Chafe (pronounced ‘Chief’)
The boss. In my case – my wife. All races must be cleared prior to the date in consultation with this person….And the master diary…The one kept next to the fridge. (The diary that is… Not my wife. I have more than one diary, but I only have one wife….And I don’t keep her next to the fridge. I don’t keep her at all in fact. But thankfully she still chooses to stay… Just not next to the fridge…unless she’s getting a drink…But then she doesn’t stay there…she just hangs around briefly.)
Post-race food period.
Squeezing too many races into your calendar. (The one next to the fridge)
Pretty self-explanatory really… Nice comfy shoes that are not in any of those ridiculously lurid colours that seem so fashionable today amongst those youngsters.
We’re talking a nice off-white… Or beige perhaps?
DNF (Did not finnish)
Not doing that marathon in Helsinki.
The new sofa store from which you are considering buying your new piece of furniture (and permanent place of future residence) following a marathon.
This occurs a day or two after a marathon When you have sworn ‘never again’… But it stands for ‘Day Of Marathon Searching‘ when you find yourself scouring the internet for your next race.
Another one of those potentially embarrassing moments when you find yourself on the floor part-way through a race. But you don’t care. You just want your teddy…And for the hurting to stop!
Now not so heavy since the advancement of microchips, processors and lithium-ion batteries, ‘electrolytes’ refers to the small items of light electronic gadgetry that can be seen on runners’ wrists. You don’t see an electroheavy very often these days (apart from those mad people that have an iPad strapped to their upper arm during the local half-marathon!).
Further than a short tlek.
Past tense. Describing how quickly you ran.
Describing how you got those bruises (see ‘ALL’ and ‘Drop’).
Really? It’s a big bit of open space isn’t it. Grass or corn and stuff. Mostly found in country-type places.
After a cross-county or trail race, you can legitimately say,
“I ran faster than the entire field.”
Because fields clearly cannot run at all.
An attractive foot. The opposite to most runners’ feet (the latter which would be described as ‘Foot Repulsive’).
Gait analysis is what happens on a trail run when you have to quickly calculate whether it’s one where you have to lift a loop of rope over a post, just push/pull, or flick a lever up to gain access to the other side. Comes in various forms including ‘kissing’ and ‘five-bar’.
A violent and bloody computer game similar to GTA but for people with mild speech difficulties about stealing cars and then running away from the police. Tenuous running link contained within that previous sentence.
(Glyco-gen) The knowledge that you are eating too much sugar.
The period of rest, relaxation and leisure following any race in America.
Disclaimer: I am aware that not everyone in the USA enjoys shooting stuff for fun ALL the time.
- Physical and mental capacity to complete a race.
- Someone to make you dinner when you get back from a race.
This is the less well known song by the Jackson Five about running related injuries.
Eating overpriced miniature ice creams and chocolate in between running sets.
(Also see https://notmuchofarunner.wordpress.com/2011/01/18/my-kind-of-interval-training-day-18/ )
The distance to your nearest Maccy D’s.
Not brilliant tape. But not rubbish tape either.
This is every run I ever do (that isn’t a short slow run).
Big, proper injury problems.
An Americanism. A person called Mary. (Could also be a half-Mary. Such as Mary-Ann, Mary-Jane, Mary-Ellen, Mary-Lou, etc.) Nothing to do with running.
When a well known runner (second fastest time for a British woman in a marathon after Paula Radcliffe) by the name of Mara Yamauchi is sceptical that a lot of elite runners are/were drug cheats. Mostly correctly it would seem…
“Maybe it’s not Maranoia if you’re right and loads of people are cheating.” – quote by me.
One of two of my friends called Malcolm. This is the smaller one.
When you are used to running with a child – e.g. in a pushchair, or at a parkrun (because they are under eleven and can’t yet do so independently) but then you get a chance to run on your own with no child (Nae Kid) and can really go for a PB!
Attempting to do an extreme stretch before an event and then having to withdraw due to causing yourself a mischief. Not positive.
We’ve been through this: White, off-white, or beige.
Small blood-sucking mites that live in your trainers.
Packing for a marathon you need to travel to… but forgetting something… Like the ‘k’.
parkbench. All one word. Lowercase ‘p’.
Like pencils but more permanent (unless they’re dry-wipe markers).
(Answer at the end)
Running with posh sunglasses on.
American version of PB. parkrest. All one word. Lowercase ‘p’.
Getting really angry/violent with other runners during a race… but getting paid for it.
Some people are prone to over-pronation. These people can be quite annoying.
Eating baked beans before a run.
Going on holiday somewhere with the family because it’s where you want to run/race but stuff what everyone else wants to do. (This is the actual and true definition)
Self-righteously getting your running gear on at lunchtime… but after jogging around the corner, going to the cafe for 30 minutes before splashing your face with water and returning to work.
Legend about the Viking king of England who stayed lying in bed one morning, silently commanding the clock not to tick over to ‘Get up! It’s time to run to work!’ o’clock.
He was late for work and got fired.
A myth. They can’t run. They are very intelligent and all that. Very good at swimming – obviously… Saving lost sailors at sea… blah…blah…blahh… yes, yes. But you don’t see them completing the London Marathon, do you?
Which is weird because apparently ‘Dolphin Shorts’ are a thing.
The normally extortionate amount of money it costs to run a race these days.
See ‘Progression’. This describes the amateur version… or mild form of irritation – pronounced ‘RunGrrrrrrr‘.
Running whilst watching satellite TV. e.g. on a treadmill at a gym with a million screens.
It looks a bit like rocket but it’s not.
Also see Negative Splits. Can alternatively refer to a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ which depending on garment location and embarrassment level of the wearer, may or may not result in race-withdrawal.
Tiny shoes worn by people when they clean out their horses. Nothing to do with running. Ignore this bit.
How long you can go for without running.
- See ‘Runger’ and ‘Progression’
Give me an ‘N’……… ‘N’
Give me an ‘E’……… ‘E’
Give me a ‘W’……… ‘W’
Give me a ‘B’……… ‘B’
Give me an ‘A’……… ‘A’
Give me an ‘L’……… ‘L’
Give me an ‘A’……… ‘A’
Give me an ‘N’……… ‘N’
Give me a ‘C’……… ‘C’
Give me an ‘E’……… ‘E’
‘New Balance’ Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!! Woooooooo!! Yeah!!
Disclaimer: Other shoes are available. Obviously.
Expletive – reserved for occasions when you only have liquidised food to eat.
What you want to do when yours is painful but someone else is moving like a gazelle.
Herbivorous animal of the jungle and forest regions of Southern/Central America and Southeastern Asia. A similar size to a pig.
Another extreme tapir
Describes how quickly you get cold.
An original UKRUNCHAT team along with team red. These people get cold quickly.
The other original UKRUNCHAT team along with team blue. These people chafe easily.
Rather embarrassing event occurring if you are unfortunate enough to experience runners’ squits during a race.
Describes your shoes after the above event. Might be worth binning them to be honest.
The process of getting out of your warm, comfortable bed. Not everyone achieves this. Keep at it though. It will come.
A planet in a far far away galaxy (possibly where ‘C25K’ originated… but many years of robotic evolution has since occured) hosting a species of humanoid creatures that want to run further than a marathon. They appear mostly human. They are not.
Generally located between the floor and the ceiling. To reach your ceiling from your floor, you will probably find the wall at some point.
*The answer to he running injury question was clearly ‘Planter Fascist Eye-Test’.
Apologies to regular readers who may have spotted a certain amount of blog-recycling containing within this piece.